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I don't know. Because I'm human, and I get defensive and say things without thinking and then feel badly for it later.

It's not a perfect excuse, obviously, but it's the truth.

[It's not really an excuse at all, but it's the truth and that helps, a little. This is a very honest conversation, more raw than he's used to, and he really needs a glass of wine.]

I'm fucking tired, Lucretia

[It's not really a response to anything she said, but he's heard it, he just doesn't know what to say. He's sick of feeling angry and hurt but he doesn't know how to stop, and half the time they talk it just seems to make it worse.]

Same.

(She feels they're at a very similar impasse right now and has no idea how to deal with that either. A very small, awful part of her wishes she could go to him and wrap him in a hug until the tension between them melted clean away.

Would probably have to be a real long hug, huh.)

We'll just... keep taking this one step at a time.

[Maybe it's a century of living together, of dying together and growing together, but a similar thought occurs to him. Maybe there's no words that fix this, maybe there's nothing that fixes this, but he misses his sister.]

Are you at your place?

Yep. How come?

Can I come over?

(Not to yell, right :( )

Course.

[Not to yell.

He spends a couple of minutes getting ready (telling Lup where he's going) and then he teleports right into Lucretia's bedroom.]

Scoot over, bubbale.

[This, at least, is familiar.]

(Woah and he's suddenly right there.

Lucretia scoots over, her face turned away, highly aware that not too long ago a couple of hopeless tears had made themselves apparent while she had been texting him, and she doesn't know if that's obvious from the look of her or not.)

Hey.

[Fortunately for Lucretia, Taako isn't quite looking at her either, caught somewhere between awkwardness and not wanting to break the own tentative truce he's made with himself.

It's what lets him climb into bed beside her, taking a second to get comfortable before he reaches out to lightly touch her arm, because he's-- he's not sure where she stands, when it comes to physical affection.]

(Lucretia glances over when he gives her arm a little touch, and hopefully he's all in on this hug thing that's about to happen because Taako's hand on her arm opens up the flood gates.

She turns toward him and reaches out to link her arms about him, neither holding him close or squeezing him tight. Just being in his space, while affording him plenty of room to pull away from her if that's what he prefers. Her chin drops gently onto his shoulder.)

Okay? (The contact, that is. Not... everything between them, obviously.)

[It feels as though it's been a lifetime since they've done this, but it's so easy at the same time. Taako winds his arms around Lucretia, fingers gripping the back of her shirt because he's missed her and this all hurts so much and he meant what he said, about being tired.]

Yeah...

[If his voice comes out a little tight, he's hoping that she'll have the tact not to say anything.]

(When he doesn't pull away Lucretia does sink a little more into him with a soft sniff, allowing her expression to crumple over his shoulder. He can't see, so it doesn't count.

In response to the tightness of his voice she smooths her palm in a slow circle against his back. He used to do this for her, after sleepless nights on the ship the cycle after sixty-five left her both exhausted and tearful. It always helped.)

[It's something about the gesture that does it; something in Taako's chest shudders loose and before he can do anything about it, a quiet sob escapes and he's crying as Lucretia rubs his back.

He's not sure if it's because of this painful tension between them, because of the reminder of Glamorsprings or how much he misses being able to hug Lup, or maybe it's just a combination of the three and whatever else is going on, but he can't seem to stop himself, which means he knows he has to to ride it out.]

(Oh, no. When he starts to cry in her arms, Lucretia doesn't say anything, doesn't offer words of comfort. For starters, she wouldn't know what to say; and she can tell that this- whatever it is- is fragile, tenuous. Seems like he needs it, though.

So she just holds him, keeps rubbing her hand on his back, nice and easy. It's almost too much in the face of everything that has been going on between them lately, but having him here with her feels like home, always will and she's missed that dreadfully.)

[Most of the time, when Taako starts crying, his aim is to stop it as quickly as possible, to get it under control, but right now he decides to just let it happen. It takes him a few minutes to wear it himself out, but finally the crying stops and he's left sniffling against Lucretia's shoulder, quickly casting prestidigitation to erase all evidence of the tears.]

Shit, sorry, I wasn't-- uh, that wasn't the plan here.

[He didn't turn up just to cry on her.]

It's okay.

(She means it, too. She's glad she could be here to give him some modicum of comfort despite it all. Lucretia sniffs, and stops rubbing his back so she can wipe her eyes. The pair of them, honestly. If Lup were here she'd be poking fun, shaking her head in mock-exasperation. Magnus might have made a stupid joke about it being time to kiss and make up and Lucretia can see that scenario in her mind's eye with crystal clarity, can see the both of them reeling back with over-exaggerated disgust before bursting into laughter.

But it isn't like that. It's just the two of them alone in her room, trying their hardest to hold onto the remains of what their relationship used to be.)

[Taako scoots back a little, not out of reach but just enough to give them both a little space to collect themselves. Now that he's not like, actively crying, he can reach out to brush a stray tear from her cheek.]

I know this isn't... I get that this shit isn't easy for you either but I' doing the best I can, Luce.

(She blinks when he does and flashes a quick, empty smile, one of those I'm fine smiles, even though she isn't.)

I know. I appreciate it.

[It's a familiar smile, both from seeing it on her face too often and knowing how often he wears it himself.]

Can I crash here tonight?

[Like they've been out partying and he's too lazy to get himself home.]

Uh huh.

(She glances down at her hands, then plucks her phone from where it had got lost in the duvet and sets it on the bedside table, moving as if to get up. This is a bit painful in its awkwardness but she just isn't sure of where she stands right now, so she's just going to delegate herself to the couch and get it over with.)

Wh-- Lucretia.

[His tone is quiet but exasperated, some of his confusion seeping in because he can't believe she's thinking that he asked to stay at her place just to kick her out of her own damn bed.]

I don't know! (She hunches her shoulders defensively but stays where she is, looking across at the voidfish tank, where Junior is asleep, pressed into the corner against the glass.)

I don't know what I can and can't do, I don't know how familiar I'm supposed to be– this is confusing, and I don't know what to do, okay? (She doesn't sound angry about this, just unsure, embarrassed.) I've never had to deal with anything like this before and every time I default to overly careful I just end up annoying you!

Hey. [Taako reaches out for Lucretia again, gently curling his fingers around her wrist.] I'm here cause I didn't know what the fuck to say anymore and I don't-- but I didn't wanna leave it at that. Can we just... do this, like we used to? [He hesitates for a second, then:] No hetero.

[bad joke]

(so bad.

Lucretia glances across at him when he takes her wrist, then snorts with unexpected laughter, and the goof softens her uncertainty. Like we used to. Like the cycles when Lup died early on and left all of them behind and bleaker for it (and Taako especially), like the times Lucretia was wracked with nightmares, like the times they stayed up talking and talking for hours at a time about everything, about nothing, and then collapsed where ever they were sitting when they couldn't go on any longer.)

Okay. (She turns back, pulling the covers down so she can scoot into bed on what she commonly thinks of as her side even though the entire bed is hers.)

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