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[scholiast]

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Hi, Lucretia speaking. I'm busy at the moment, but if you'd like to leave a message, I'll get back to you ASAP.
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[dancingmd]

I'm sorry, I just... when I saw this picture again, all the possibilities came crashing down around me and...

(For now, she gives into her fears and thrusts herself into Lucretia's arms.)

I can't lose him.

[scholiast]

(It's a good thing she hadn't been holding her mug! Lucretia tucks her arms around Beverly and gives her a gentle squeeze.)

It's okay. (But she's not about to do something stupid, and tell Beverly she won't lose Wesley. Because how could she possibly know? Lucretia has lost many people she thought she would never lose, it's not like it doesn't happen.

She doesn't say any of that either. Instead she holds Beverly close, and murmurs,) it's the holidays. Things always get complicated around the holidays.

[dancingmd]

(She turns her head to rest her cheek against Lucretia's chest. Despite her stubborn resistance to them, the tears are flowing, quiet save for a catch in her breathing every now and then. Part of her is embarrassed to be reacting like this but a bigger part takes comfort in Lucretia's warmth and solidity as she curls into her.)

I'm tired of holidays. And parties and festivals and all the things they do to try to make us feel welcome, to make this... home. I know they mean well but it's not going to be for me, it can't be.

(Belatedly she thinks that maybe this is a callous thing to say to Lucretia but it's a truth for both of them.)

[scholiast]

I know.

(It does sting, but only for a moment. Lucretia has never pretended to want to stay here, to make an ersatz life for herself; Beverly hasn't either. She rests a splayed hand on Beverly's back, rubbing in a slow circle.

Home. It's a foreign concept for her. It's been a very long time since Lucretia has been able to call anywhere home. Sometimes she wonders if she ever will.)

We should go ask, about the portal. Ask if there's anything we can do, if we can... (she sighs, and kisses Beverly's hair, resting her chin on top of her head.) I don't know. Speed up the process, or– work on an alternative.

[dancingmd]

(She laughs, a bitter sound.)

Oh I am sure they're very tired of seeing me. If Wes were here...

(If Wesley were here, that would make things so much easier and so much more complicated at the same time.)

I bet he'd figure something out.

[scholiast]

I'll go then, ask in your stead.

(She wants to help. She's realising, belatedly, that she hasn't done very much at all to inquire into getting herself home, let alone Beverly. It's not that getting back isn't important to her but... she's allowed Quarantine to distract her, in more ways than one.

Beverly's determination to leave is making her feel a little ashamed of herself. She wishes she could figure something out.)

[dancingmd]

(She lifts her tear stained face to look up at Lucretia. This is the most heartbreaking thing of all, the knowledge that she will one day choose to leave this remarkable woman behind and yet here Lucretia is, offering to help that day come sooner.)

You're amazing, do you know that?

[scholiast]

(She attempts a smile, but it falters when Beverly looks at her.)

I'm really not, (she hedges, hesitant,) I've done barely anything to help you. I'm sorry.

[dancingmd]

(She shakes her head.)

Don't be. You help me more than you realize, every day. And... the fact that you respect my choice to go home, even if it hurts us, hurts you... it means a lot to me.

[scholiast]

(Lucretia can't quite shake her remorse just yet, but she trusts Beverly, trusts that she wouldn't lie about something like this, ever. So she nods.)

... Okay.

[dancingmd]

(Beverly straightens up to give her a light kiss, then rests her forehead against Lucretia's.)

I wish... I wish we didn't have to make this choice.

[scholiast]

(She exhales slowly, drawing strength from the warmth of Beverly's skin, the familiar smell of her hair. Her hands rest lightly on her shoulders.)

Me too. (But they will have to, eventually. Lucretia tries not to think about it.)

But I don't regret it. Any of it.

[dancingmd]

(She sniffs.)

Me either. Even now.

[scholiast]

(Lucretia smiles despite herself, squeezing Beverly's shoulders gently.)

The pair of us, huh.

[dancingmd]

(She hums in agreement before settling back into Lucretia's arms again. Clearly, she is in the mood for cuddling.)

A pair of sad old ladies.

(At least her sense of humor about things is making a reappearance.)

[scholiast]

(It certainly feels like that sometimes. Lucretia shifts a little in place until she's comfortable, cheek against Beverly's hair.)

At least we can be sad and old together.

(She won't be alone so long as she has Beverly.)

[dancingmd]

(She hums in agreement. Together is definitely better than alone - which makes her think of a story.)

Did I ever tell you about the time I got trapped in a collapsing universe of my own making?

(.... Beverly why do you say these things so casually?)

[scholiast]

(Lucretia laughs, startled out of her reverie. Gods, she's never felt so fond of Beverly.)

Uh, no, I don't believe you did.

Care to expound?

[dancingmd]

(She lets out an amused huff - it does seem out of nowhere, doesn't it? But there is a logic to her thought process and she tries to explain it.)

It has to do with Wesley too. And Jean-Luc. And well... everything we've been talking about.

[scholiast]

Gotcha.

(She gets all comfortable again, settling in for the story.) Continue.

[dancingmd]

It started as a normal enough day - the only unusual thing was that an old friend of mine, my mentor from my first internship, someone I hadn't seen in years, was going to be on board for a few days. Naturally, I wanted to be the one to greet him when he arrived and get him settled in.

(She sighs sadly.)

He'd just lost his wife. Couldn't stand to stay on the starbase where they'd worked together for years, so he retired from Starfleet and was moving away.

[scholiast]

(Oh, it's a sad story. Hearing of the loss of loved ones will never fail to ignite a pang of sympathy in Lucretia.)

I'm sorry to hear that. Had he come to say good bye to you?

[dancingmd]

(She shakes her head and seeks to reassure Lucretia.)

No, no we still stay in touch. He just needed a ride and the Enterprise was going that way so I asked Jean-Luc to let us pick him up.

[scholiast]

Oh, good.

(She's not quite seeing the connection between this story and Beverly's situation, but there's probably a bit more to it, so after a beat, she's prompts:)

What happened next?

[dancingmd]

I walked him to his quarters, and he was talking about how tired he was, how getting old is so difficult because you only live to see more and more of the people you once knew pass away.

"I didn't take the time to appreciate them while I could." Those words stuck with me, even after I left him to get settled in. My first thought was that I ought to see what Wesley was up to.