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[scholiast]

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Hi, Lucretia speaking. I'm busy at the moment, but if you'd like to leave a message, I'll get back to you ASAP.
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[dancingmd]

Oh, he was probably more excited than I was.... I wasn't entirely sure how Jean-Luc would react to us.

[scholiast]

Are people not usually so keen to board the Enterprise?

[dancingmd]

Oh no... (She shakes her head.) That's not what I meant. It's a great honor to be assigned to the Enterprise. In fact, I'd requested the position. But with our history...

He hadn't seen us since Jack's funeral. He... didn't even recognize Wesley, at first.

[scholiast]

(She requested the position. That makes Lucretia smile too, briefly.)

Oh. How... how did that go?

[dancingmd]

I think he was a little stunned... you know how it is, when you see a kid you haven't seen since they were five or six and now they're suddenly almost grown... I think it was a little easier for the two of them, in a weird way. For us...

(She frowns and stares at the picture. Just when it feels like she may not ever finish that sentence she speaks again, this time looking back at Lucretia, her eyes soft and uncertain.)

There's something I haven't told you yet. About us.

[scholiast]

(Lucretia shrugs: she can't really relate. The kids she used to know are gone and she 'grew up' with a physically unaging crew, but she understands what Beverly's getting at so no harm done.

She gestures between the pair of them with her free hand.)

Us? Or– you and Wesley? Or... (Beverly and Jean Luc? She leaves that hanging, unsure of how to posit that idea exactly.)

[dancingmd]

Jean-Luc. And me. Before I came here, when we were in the prison, they fitted us with devices that they used for interrogations. Telepathic readers, essentially. But they had the side effect of allowing us to read one another's minds as well.

I thought... when I first came on the Enterprise, Jean-Luc all but asked me to leave. I thought it was because of Jack, that he thought I might still blame him for his death.

(She looks down again, picks at her sock.)

I found out he was in love with me. All that time, even before Jack died.

[scholiast]

Oh.

(Lucretia isn't sure what more to say in response to that. What do you say? Obviously it has no bearing on their relationship here, especially because they'll both forget it upon returning. Lucretia chins her hand, and looks at Beverly's socks too.)

... Do you love him?

[dancingmd]

I... don't know. Romantically, at least. He's my best friend, my captain, I would do almost anything for him, but that's not quite the same thing, is it?

(She looks up again. And now... There's Lucretia. There's a clarity with her that's never been there with Jean-Luc.)

[scholiast]

I don't know, (she confesses, rubbing the back of her neck.) I think if you're uncertain about it, then probably not?

(Maybe she's speaking selfishly. Lucretia can't tell. She feels a little badly for being relieved that Beverly didn't simply say 'yes'.)

[dancingmd]

(She nods.) Probably not.

(But what dos that say for Lucretia? Beverly takes hold of her hands.)

Either way, I want you to know, it doesn't change how I feel about you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier but I was worried...

[scholiast]

No, it's okay.

(She squeezes Beverly's hands, lacing their fingers together,) truly. I– this probably sounds strange but I'm glad you'll be going back to people who love you.

(Beverly won't feel the loss of her company, but it's still a comfort to know that she won't be alone.)

[dancingmd]

(Her eyes start to water - with relief or worry, it's hard to say.)

It doesn't sound strange at all.

[scholiast]

(It's Lucretia's turn to look concerned, taking one of her hands back so she can cup Beverly's cheek.)

You okay?

[dancingmd]

(She shakes her head.)

What if... (A small gasp escapes her.) What if I'm not going back? What if they never get the portal fixed?

[scholiast]

(Lucretia shakes her head, giving Beverly's hand another squeeze.)

They will get the portal fixed. There are so many brilliant people here all working on it collaboratively, they- they just need time.

(She smoothes her thumb over Beverly's cheek. Hopefully this is comforting because, honestly, she feels a little helpless. If she could send Beverly back herself, right now, she'd do it despite everything. If it would ease her mind, she'd do it in a heartbeat.) I'm sorry. I know this is hard, that there are people waiting for you to get back. But they're safe until you do, Beverly. Life isn't marching on without you. It's going to be okay.

[dancingmd]

I'm sorry, I just... when I saw this picture again, all the possibilities came crashing down around me and...

(For now, she gives into her fears and thrusts herself into Lucretia's arms.)

I can't lose him.

[scholiast]

(It's a good thing she hadn't been holding her mug! Lucretia tucks her arms around Beverly and gives her a gentle squeeze.)

It's okay. (But she's not about to do something stupid, and tell Beverly she won't lose Wesley. Because how could she possibly know? Lucretia has lost many people she thought she would never lose, it's not like it doesn't happen.

She doesn't say any of that either. Instead she holds Beverly close, and murmurs,) it's the holidays. Things always get complicated around the holidays.

[dancingmd]

(She turns her head to rest her cheek against Lucretia's chest. Despite her stubborn resistance to them, the tears are flowing, quiet save for a catch in her breathing every now and then. Part of her is embarrassed to be reacting like this but a bigger part takes comfort in Lucretia's warmth and solidity as she curls into her.)

I'm tired of holidays. And parties and festivals and all the things they do to try to make us feel welcome, to make this... home. I know they mean well but it's not going to be for me, it can't be.

(Belatedly she thinks that maybe this is a callous thing to say to Lucretia but it's a truth for both of them.)

[scholiast]

I know.

(It does sting, but only for a moment. Lucretia has never pretended to want to stay here, to make an ersatz life for herself; Beverly hasn't either. She rests a splayed hand on Beverly's back, rubbing in a slow circle.

Home. It's a foreign concept for her. It's been a very long time since Lucretia has been able to call anywhere home. Sometimes she wonders if she ever will.)

We should go ask, about the portal. Ask if there's anything we can do, if we can... (she sighs, and kisses Beverly's hair, resting her chin on top of her head.) I don't know. Speed up the process, or– work on an alternative.

[dancingmd]

(She laughs, a bitter sound.)

Oh I am sure they're very tired of seeing me. If Wes were here...

(If Wesley were here, that would make things so much easier and so much more complicated at the same time.)

I bet he'd figure something out.

[scholiast]

I'll go then, ask in your stead.

(She wants to help. She's realising, belatedly, that she hasn't done very much at all to inquire into getting herself home, let alone Beverly. It's not that getting back isn't important to her but... she's allowed Quarantine to distract her, in more ways than one.

Beverly's determination to leave is making her feel a little ashamed of herself. She wishes she could figure something out.)

[dancingmd]

(She lifts her tear stained face to look up at Lucretia. This is the most heartbreaking thing of all, the knowledge that she will one day choose to leave this remarkable woman behind and yet here Lucretia is, offering to help that day come sooner.)

You're amazing, do you know that?

[scholiast]

(She attempts a smile, but it falters when Beverly looks at her.)

I'm really not, (she hedges, hesitant,) I've done barely anything to help you. I'm sorry.

[dancingmd]

(She shakes her head.)

Don't be. You help me more than you realize, every day. And... the fact that you respect my choice to go home, even if it hurts us, hurts you... it means a lot to me.